Monday, September 19, 2011

What happens when recovery sets you back.

The middle of last week ended on a bad note. My husband and I would not stop fighting. He recognizes that I have a problem with you. He also took it upon himself to nitpick and fuss over every single thing I did or ate. I couldn't take it anymore so I just exploded at him. This has been going on for a while. And...I had enough. I even started calling divorce lawyers.

Anyways, on Thursday I went out with my sister to just get away from him. I had a feeling something was off because after we had breakfast, I threw up 3 times. I also had this weird pain in my chest, but I figured that was due to vomiting. The rest of the day was fun, until my husband called me to try and talk. I wanted nothing to do with him, and every word he said just made me angrier and angrier. On top of that, my heart had been skipping beats throughout the day.

In the middle of the fight with him, I got this pain in my chest. It just kept getting worse. I had to have my sister drive me to a nearby emergency care center. They ran some tests, and said that what could be going on with me would be better diagnosed at the hospital. So, off to the ER I went. After more tests and scans, they determined I have Pleurisy, inflammation of the chest cavity.

So what does my adventure have to do with my weight? I was so fat the stretcher the paramedics put me on was cutting off circulation to my legs. My blood pressure at it's highest was 160/90. It took a nurse 20 minutes to find a vein in my arm to draw blood. They had to change what test to give me because they couldn't find a second vein for the CAT scan. When I was on the scanner for my lungs, the machine kept stopping because my fat rolls were in the way. The doctor literally had to push and hold my fat on the table.

It was so embarrassing. When I was giving the admitting nurse my vitals, he had this look of shock that I haven't had a period in a year. It hurt even more when he said "Oh, did you just have a baby?". No...no baby. I stopped ovulating a long time ago, and I'm not even sure if I can have a baby. But that is another entry.

Fast forward to today when I weighed myself. I figured I had lost weight because I've been too tired to eat. I weigh 366 as of this morning. That means I gained 6 lbs in 5 days. I feel so disgusted with myself. I had to force myself to eat breakfast. I can't exercise until the pain in my chest is completely gone, and that will take several days.

I'm trying to stay positive throughout this ordeal. To be honest, it is impossible. I can feel all of my motivation and hard work slipping through my fingers. And...I have no idea how to get them back.

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